need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yo dont text me then not text me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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