i think my tv is drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
