we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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