my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
