and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
