If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
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Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just puked most of my soul out..
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