Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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