Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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