dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
