I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
