I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
