Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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