Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
