Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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