this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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