woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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