My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
