Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
