i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
