so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
