it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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