I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
