Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
