do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
