Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
