Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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