You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
