LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
