Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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