how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
