I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
