the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
