i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
