Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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