where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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