So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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