he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
