I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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