Can Purell be used as lube?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
