so explain again why im purple
no
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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