i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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