could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
