Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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