So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
