Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
