There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
