To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
