i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
