I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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