So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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