You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
