I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just gift wrapped bread.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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