Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
