He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
