in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
