We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
