Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
