It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
