this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
