I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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