New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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