You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
