We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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