Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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