He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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