it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
