don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
